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Growing Pains

May 9, 2009

I’m stealing the topic from a thread on FetLife. It was brought to my attention that there has been much growth with respect to Master and I’s M/s relationship. So I thought it would be good to really lay out how I feel about this particular topic.

Has anyone gone through a recent growth period?

It’s fairly safe to say that in the last couple of months Master and I have grown by leaps and bounds in our relationship.

If so, what did you end up accomplishing?

I don’t know if I would say that we’ve accomplished anything, but I have become more obedient (still not quick enough for Master, but we’re workin on it), Master has been finding the sadist in Himself. He has grown quite comfortable in His role.

How does that affect the relationship/dynamic you’re in?

The most prevalent thing I have noticed, is that my attitude has changed. Oh I still have quite a mouth on me, but the crappy bitch attitude is a lot less apt to show her face, and when I do blow my top, I’m a lot quicker to settle down and try to rationalize(this is usually preempted with rayne, saying “Suck it up, Buttercup!”). All around things have lightened up, and we can really relax and be ourselves, without the power struggle, although it still happens.

Growing and changing, even when you know it’s coming, can still be painful. Some things are hard to come to terms with on the s-side of the fence. The realization that I don’t really have any say so unless He allows it, is something that still hits me in the face a couple times a week. Knowing that at any time I could run my mouth and say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and have a seriously pissed off man coming at me, well….of course that’s scary, but it’s hot too! Knowing that most of the time it’s up to me to swallow my pride and be the one to kneel before Him for forgiveness for my transgressions, very humbling dontcha think? But the flip side of that, is the immense freedom I feel when things are going right, how safe and protected I feel in His arms. I was just telling Master today that regardless if you are in a vanilla, BDSM, Gorean, or whatever kind of relationship, there will always be good times and bad times, it’s just a given. The point is to take both and keep moving forward, whether it’s learning from a mistake, or basking in the afterglow of a lovely scene. When you’re with the right one, just keep moving forward.

“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.”
J.K. Simmons~ Juno

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