There comes a time in a relationship when you are left standing at a crossroads. You have several options, and if you’re smart, you’ll choose wisely what you want to do. After all, we are talking about the rest of your life here. All too often, children are involved, and they are so easily bruised and hurt by the choices their parents make. The gods know, I’ve made my bad choices.
My crossroads has had me all fucked up for a while now. I’ve discussed it with a couple people, who were very supportive and helpful. I’m hoping that jumping out of the closet I’ve been hiding in for the last 2 months will help.
For well over a year now, Kris and I have been doing our best to get our Owner/property relationship off the ground. About a month or so ago, I received my permanent collar. Eternity Collars are not cheap people. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see it coming, but about 2 weeks after Kris put the damn thing on me he says: “I’m too busy living my vanilla life, to worry about all this shit you seem to think is so important.”
We happened to meet a younger couple, who is also interested in the lifestyle. I am still holding on to the shred of hope that having real people around to talk about it with will help. He promised me while he was on vacation next week, that we would talk about it, and get in some play time. I almost wanted to tell him not to worry about it. I’m left feeling as if I’m forcing him to do something that he doesn’t want to do, even if he says he does. I’ve been thinking about whether the Owner/property aspect is something I can live without. There was a time and place when I would not have hesitated to say that I can absolutely live without it. Now? I’m not so sure.
I’m very lucky to have found a man who loves my children more than life itself. He raises them as if they were his own. I’m tired of hurting my children with my stupid decisions. I want them to have a great life, and Kris will move mountains to give them one. My quality of life, right now, is better than it’s ever been. I am in love with Kris, but now all I can see is incompatibility. I’m not unhappy, but I’m not happy either.
I think I need help.