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SJP#449~Wants and Needs

September 26, 2009

What are your current wants and needs in your relationship? Have any changed much since you first started exploring?

It’s always been very difficult to differentiate the difference between wants and needs for me.  I had to think about this question for a long time before I could write the post.  When I chose the prompt, it didn’t occur to me how important the question was, but I certainly see it now.  When you are speaking of wants and needs as it pertains to adult relationships, this question is enormous.  Having your needs met can make or break a relationship, and oftentimes does break a relationship.  The last statement doesn’t even pertain to me at all.

My wants and needs, save for basic life needs, don’t have to be met.  I can have all the wants in the world, however someone else decides what I need.  I don’t get to pick what I need anymore, so all those things I think I need, unfortunately, become merely wants.  I will do my best to convey those things that I want, and those things that Master considers me to need.

I want:

  • to be on a tighter leash
  • to play more
  • to have a girlfriend

I  need:

  • love
  • happiness
  • to follow all the rules Master places on me
  • to correct my attitude
  • to make Master’s life as pleasant as possible
  • to enjoy my chosen role as an owned slave

I am sure there are some I have not listed, but I really learned something from thinking about and writing this post.   Master has given me needs based on what will help me, all other things remain as wants.  I have stated before that I trust his judgment way more than I trust my own, and that rings true here.  The things he has placed on the needs list are things that will always make my life better or easier in the long-term, while those things on the wants list are only good for short-term or immediate pleasure.

It’s rather funny, but all those things on the needs list are things I have a hard time with, and not because I don’t want them as well, because I do.  I have a hard time with them because I don’t know how.  I am learning, but learning takes time.  I’m positive that love and happiness are the hardest for me.  I have been taught my whole life, and learned from past experiences that love doesn’t really exist, so even learning to accept it is a major thing.  I’ve never been really happy either, and learning how to be happy is more than just smiling or laughing.

My wants and needs have not changed at all from the beginning, of course, I think we’re still in the beginning.  Until those needs listed become second nature, I doubt they will change.  This post has led me into self reflection, and I hate reflecting on myself,  I always have a way of seeing the bad and forgetting the good.  Another funny thing, I don’t think there is any good to see in the first place.

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