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The M/s Relationship~Fact or Fiction

September 15, 2009

The M/s Flag

There are a lot of people who will tell you that M/s is nothing more than an elaborate fantasy.  That total ownership is unattainable and a dangerous undertaking.  Most everything we do in the BDSM lifestyle is illegal or dangerous at the very least, but that’s where the appeal comes from.  It’s a huge thrill to take part in something that is potentially life threatening.  That doesn’t mean we don’t take precautions to minimize those threats, and in a lot of cases, there is an appearance of threat with no real risk involved.  All too often however, there are very real dangers in some of the fetishes and practices that we involve ourselves in.  Master/slave relationships are no exception to this rule, depending on the nature of your dynamic within a M/s relationship.

I hear a lot of slaves discuss the things they can’t do when their Master is away, not because they don’t want to, but because they can’t.  The rule of having to ask for said thing or never being allowed to have it or do it, has instilled within them the inability to go about some part of their daily routine.  Yes, this is a dangerous thing.  I’m positive the couple has weighed the risks, and decided that the risk was well worth taking to maintain their dynamic properly.  It’s no different than looking at and assessing the risks involved in suspension bondage or breath control play.  The difference between these types of play and M/s, is that M/s isn’t play.

You are dealing with another’s life, literally.  It is not to be taken lightly.  There may be some point in the future that this person can not go to the restroom without your prior consent.  They may have a very hard time deciding what they should eat.  At some point, and it’s very likely in M/s, you may encounter a slave who is unable to orgasm without permission from their Master.  These are all very serious things, and they should all be considered quite heavily before entering such a relationship.   This doesn’t make the relationship unattainable, but it may require a different perspective from the popular view on what exactly a M/s relationship entails.

As a slave, I am not locked in a cage when Master is away, and I am not treated as if I am stupid when he is around.   I am human, and I do make my own decisions on a daily basis.  This is not the fantasy that is portrayed in “Story of O” people, it is real life.  I have a set of rules to follow, and sometimes I am subjected to whatever Master desires, but I have a family, bills to pay, children to care for, and a blog to write.  I also have friends.  Slave does not equal vegetable.  That is not to say, that I don’t know slaves who are sitting around naked waiting for their master’s orders, because I do!  It just isn’t plausible in my dynamic, it doesn’t make me less owned than them, just different.

Every single M/s dynamic I have seen is very different.  For the most part, I think we agree on one aspect, a slave who can not make decisions for her/himself is pretty useless to a master.  A master needs a slave that doesn’t need constant supervision, only direction.  I know plenty of slaves who have responsibilities and jobs outside of their relationships, as well as stay at home slaves.  Even those of us who stay home, can’t be constantly watched over, because our Masters have to work.  We have a habit of comparing ourselves to pets, and that’s a pretty accurate comparison.  We are owned and trained by a Master.  If we misbehave, we get punished.  We have brains though, and we can act out, or leave if we so choose and can find a way to.  There are plenty of us who would never dream of it though, and some of us know that if we did, just like a beloved pet, our Master would track us down and bring us back.

Some of us have some very extreme beliefs on owning human property.  Those of us that do, do not care what the rest of you think.  We gave “blanket consent” at the start of our relationship, and that about covers it.  We can not take it back, even if we feel abused.  We can not leave, even if we feel abused.  We can not say no or have a safeword, even if we feel abused.  We even gave consent to abuse in this case, and we are okay with that.  Some may say, that we are stupid, and that too is okay.  Believe what you want about the risks we have taken in our relationships, you have a right to an opinion.   When we placed our lives, literally, in the hands of our Masters, we did so with full recognition of what we were doing, and the extreme we had gone to.  The men we have placed so far up on a pedal stool have gained our respect and trust to a point, that it hasn’t crossed our minds that they would do something risky enough to cause death or dismemberment without a fantastical reason for doing so.

It has crossed my mind that some of the same people who have talked of our reality as if it were a fantasy world, may very well be people who have never felt that desire to be owned, or perhaps have never been able to attain that level of trust to another human being.  It has also crossed my mind that the very same people probably do take part in a lot of edge play quite a bit more dangerous than some of the M/s people I know.  I’m pretty sure that cutting, breath control play, some types of bondage, gun play, and other types of play are way riskier and more life threatening than my turning over my life to a man that I trust and adore more than myself.

(Disclaimer:  I am not trying to say that I or other slaves or Masters do not engage in edge play, just that certain types of edge play in and of itself is more dangerous than M/s)

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